Dear Lucy,

Last night I sms you to see whether you are free for a drink. Someone sms back and she is not you. She kept asking me strange questions through sms like:

1) Who are you ? How you know Lucy?

2) I ask you who are you?

3) Are you Fiona? Bitch

4) You pussymouth

5) How are you related to Lucy?

6) Lalallalalal

She also say she is your girlfriend. Then I accused her of infringing your privacy by answering sms on your behalf. Later when I called you, she says she is your girl friend as in she really is your girl friend---meaning not the normal platonic girlfriend. She say she has the right to check on you and so on and so on. I told her that she is not respecting your right by talking to her other friend like that. She kept saying its her business and she controls you etc. She also kept asking me how am I related to you and she also say I must be one of the man you fools around with. I try to scare her abit by pretending to be old uncle and I say she has no respect etc. I told her that even when I have a girl friend, I do not control my gal friend (my ex) like the way she does etc etc. Anyway my dear Lucy, I hope you understand what happen. Just in case there is any misunderstanding between us. I was quite shocked with the rude way she talk to me. Is she the lady that PUKE and drag you away that day? Hope you have a nice day. Take good care my friend.

best regards.

David

Hi, Mr Goose,

Oh, I feel piqued and resentful after reading this horribly senseless mail. In what way have you lied that you are an old man? I mean, you ARE an old-ER man! I'm flabbergasted with your account of the whole SAGA. It's apparent how you enjoy entertaining ppl like me, isn't it? can I know what you do for a living? are you a pastor? or care-giver? Evidently, you do not know Lucy well, in fact, it's way platonic than platonic itself. You goose, showed so much enthusiasm in displaying your interests, your lifestyle and publicise YOURSELF to Lucy that you forgot to mystify this whole cyber "frenship", leaving absolutely NO imagination of you! You are SO transparent that I can read you like a MAGAZINE--read and trash. Unlike books, yeah.. Why take this cyberworld so seriously?

Oh yes, I AM the drunkard on that night. Lucy and I were excited to meet you though, but hell, you're like slimeballs that simply kept calling and sms-ing her so much even when i was trying to get a grip while Lucy's helping me. Then u started to get dis-illusioned.. blah blah blah... having all those thoughts that Lucy's making a fool out of you. Now, after yr sms-es and email, it's apparent that You made a fool out of yourself. If you find me loathesome, go ahead and dislike me. wait a minute, you don't even know ME. I would have respected a solitary guy that told the facts as clearly as the emperor is naked --which you clearly did in giving the account of the SAGA. But what went wrong when the good guy (you-goose) is being foul-mouthed and trampled on? I have no idea, you are a mistake, man. To put it bluntly, you asked for it.

I don't care if I have contradicted myself. I don't care if I also affected you by my vulgarity and obscene use of language. That is not the issue today. I don't give a shit whether you say I am jealous, which I am not. I don't think I'm being malicious - it is the act of flashing, and more importantly, THE ABSURD APPROVAL SOMETHING AS WRONG AS THAT GETS FROM THE GOOSE, that I am concerned about. You are simply CHILDISH.

Being the disgustingly self-centred person I am, I'd ilke to say that Lucy's a great girl, mature and intellectual and SHE'S MINE although we are bisexual. Her prose is far too... dare I say that word again, cheam, for these stupid empty vessels who have so much to say. Furthermore, Lucy will realise that she herself is not upset over what I've written and said - on both occassions no less. And yes, it's her freedom to make friends, female and males alike, but aren't u over the edge by being so pricky by my smses? To think a grown up adult like you would actually entertain such nonsensical sms-es! Even I think I shouldnt have bothered with me at all.

I will say this in a very big font lest you miss it: I AM OK WITH IT, SHE IS OK WITH IT, WHO ARE YOU TO TALK SO MUCH?

Well, that's all I have to say with regards to your mail. Stop jumping on to the bandwagon like that, take some time and seriously meet people, not cyberians. I am not that bad, really. I do think I am a nice girl - just a little more frank and hot-headed than any other girl on the streets but essentially the same although In my speech, I've often neglected and overlooked people's feelings, thinking that I can mutter and ditch responsibility. But I am NOT SORRY. Oh goose, relax and chill. May you find other better things to do in your free time.

"For what?", you'll say. For YOUR OWN FUCKING PLEASURE. For you want to wank to her breasts, you want that nice feeling when your own selfish penis hardens. So you can imagine her in the dark room of yours, rubbing yourselves against bolsters, thinking of her as a sex object, lips around your member. Did you treat her as a human with feelings, or just an empty vagina for you to plunge your penis into eventually?

I am constantly entertained by you. keep the mails coming.

LALALALALLALALALALALALA all the way,

The Lover

25 July, 2005

*names have been changed

How crude was I, seriously?