Saturday, April 29, 2006

Shel Silverstein (1930-1999)


Shel Silverstein was an American poet, songwriter, musician, composer, cartoonist, screenwriter and author of children's books. Silverstein claimed he never studied the poetry of others, and therefore developed his own style. His style was laid-back and conversational, occasionally employing profanity and slang. My favourite is "The Giving Tree". The story is a short moral tale about a relationship between a young boy and a tree in the forest. It tells the account of how the tree helps the boy with his needs throughout his life. As the title suggests, the book is a tale of true unconditional love. Another enchanting collection is "Where the Sidewalk Ends", a collection of illustrations and poems which themes include many common childhood worries and problems, as well as fanciful stories. Some take the form of miniature fairy tales or stories which end abruptly for humorous effect.


THE GIVING TREE

Once there was a giving tree who loved a little boy.

And everyday the boy would come to play

Swinging from the branches, sleeping in the shade

Laughing all the summer’s hours away.

And so they love,

Oh, the tree was happy.

Oh, the tree was glad.

But soon the boy grew older and one day he came and said,

"Can you give me some money, tree, to buy something I’ve found?"

"I have no money," said the tree, "Just apples, twigs and leaves."

"But you can take my apples, boy, and sell them in the town."

And so he did and

Oh, the tree was happy.

Oh, the tree was glad.

But soon again the boy came back and he said to the tree,

"I’m now a man and I must have a house that’s all my home."

"I can’t give you a house" he said, "The forest is my house."

"But you may cut my branches off and build yourself a home"

And so he did.

Oh, the tree was happy.

Oh, the tree was glad.

And time went by and the boy came back with sadness in his eyes.

"My life has turned so cold," he says, "and I need sunny days."

"I’ve nothing but my trunk," he says, "But you can cut it down

And build yourself a boat and sail away."

And so he did and

Oh, the tree was happy.

Oh, the tree was glad.

And after years the boy came back, both of them were old.

"I really cannot help you if you ask for another gift."

"I’m nothing but an old stump now. I’m sorry but I’ve nothing more to give"

"I do not need very much now, just a quiet place to rest,"

The boy, he whispered, with a weary smile.

"Well", said the tree, "An old stump is still good for that."

"Come, boy", he said, "Sit down, sit down and rest a while."

And so he did and

Oh, the trees was happy.

Oh, the tree was glad.

Theodor Seuss Geisel aka Dr Seuss (1904-1991)

Like many other children, Dr. Seuss was a part of my early life with such books as Green Eggs and Ham, The Cat in the Hat, And to Think That! Saw It All on Mulberry Street, Horton Hatches an Egg, stories of the Sneetches, and the east-going Grinch's memorable confrontation with the west-going Grinch. They were fun books to read, certainly more fun and interesting than the books used at school. His books are of an amazing concoction of political commentary, advertising wit, off-the-wall essays on life and living, with an assortment of fantastic creatures and humans. The style of drawings were familiar, the turn of phrase and incredible names, but the topics and subjects were very different.

In an interview around his seventy-fifth birthday, Dr Seuss told the writer for the Los Angeles Times Book Review:

"I tend to basically exaggerate in life, and in writing, it's fine to exaggerate. I really enjoy overstating for the purpose of getting a laugh. It's very flattering, that laugh, and at the same time it gives pleasure to the audience and accomplishes more than writing very serious things. For another thing, writing is easier than digging ditches. Well, actually that's an exaggeration. It isn't."

Horton Hatches the Egg

This book concerns Horton (an elephant) convinced by an irresponsible bird named Mayzie into sitting on her egg while she takes a break--which proves to last for months. Of course, the absurd sight of an elephant sitting atop a tree makes quite a scene.

Horton is laughed at by his jungle friends, captured by hunters, forced to endure a terrible sea voyage, and finally placed in a travelling circus. All through the ordeal Horton repeats this refrain:

I meant what I said, and I said what I meant:
An elephant's faithful one hundred percent.

Mayzie finds Horton at the circus just in time to see her egg hatch. She demands the egg back, but is denied it by Horton and the rest when it hatches into a tiny winged elephant.The moral of the story is probably "be responsible, even when it's difficult." Horton's demonstrated responsibility in keeping his promise to Mayzie by staying with the egg, even when it's hard to do so. He's also faithful, not only to his external obligations, but to his inner self as well.

Lastly, a sudden urge to post a shout out to anyone who has a copy of Dr Seuss's "The Seven Lady Godivas: The True Facts Concerning History's Barest Family" The book was written for adults and is a retelling of the tale of Lady Godiva. It's currently out of print and is a very rare item. I'd whore myself to anyone who is willing to get me a copy. period.

For those who has the faintest idea who Lady Godiva is, she, Godiva (c. 980-1067) was an Anglo-Saxon lady, who, according to legend, rode naked through the streets of Conventry in England, in order to gain a remission of the oppressive toll imposed by her husband on his tenants. Interestingly, a term for Lady Godiva Syndrome is "Exhibitionism". Even an asteroid's named after her.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Let’s be frank, if you’re a prude/family member/ex-boyfriend/future shag/avid churchgoer, either avoid reading this or let it be your ONE very guilty indulgence (which means no more masturbation).

predictable porn made by men, according to Erika Lust:

"Among other things, I decided to begin to produce a different kind of porn because I was fed up with the clichés that the porn producers (MEN) want to make us believe in:

1. Women wear high heels to bed.

2. Men are never impotent.

3. When going down on a woman 10 secs is more than satisfactory.

4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

5. Every man has at least one litre sperm when he comes.

6. If there is two of them they "high five" each other (and the girl isn't disgusted!)

7. Young beautiful women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.

8. Women always orgasm when men do.

9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding fine.

10. All women are noisy fucks.

11. Those tits are real.

12. Double penetration makes women smile.

13. Asian men don't exist.

14. Neither man with small cocks.

15. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.

16. There's a plot.

17. All women love slaps on their butts.

18. Nurses suck patients’ cocks.

19. Men always pull out.

20. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you.

21. Women never have headaches... or periods.

22. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".

23. Assholes are clean and yummy.

24. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there.

25. And finally… Men never have to beg because a woman always wants to."

Call me Dutch but I find watching porn to be a healthy activity, if not for stimulation’s sake then for education’s. However, I think my days of avid porn consumption are more or less over. But I just don’t think there has been anything particularly groundbreaking in mainstream porn for the past decade. It’s sad. It’s no wonder we’re so repressed, we have nothing good to wank off to. Surely the industry could benefit from a little branding. A few more Tarantino camera angles perhaps. Or something hip and stylized, like a little film-noir fucking.

For me, porn has lost its fantasy aspect. It does not make me horny. It’s just a lot more fun to watch a real-life couple fuck in the bed next to me. Or to find opportunities to create porn wherever one goes – in the bathroom mirror, in an empty stairwell, on a spare pool table, with a complete stranger(s) etc.

I advise you to read the following list with caution though – I don’t want to ruin an otherwise happy relationship you may have with the medium.

  1. Real-life pussies are not porn-star pussies. Real women do not get off from tugging and pulling at their clits like rubber bands, or smacking their patches with repressed violence. Someone tell these porn directors that it’s social responsibility to show a little finesse.
  2. Nobody in their right mind puts a vibrating dildo in their mouths unless they want to see a dentist.
  3. Sweat is sexy. And an endorphin-induced flush is unbelievably erotic. But fucking vigorously for an hour under a spotlight with not a hint of moisture appearing on your fully-powdered face is well, weird.
  4. Women cum too. It’s possible. National Geographic says so.
  5. Very few women can allow 9 inch cocks into their oesaphaguses without gagging. It’s false advertising. If you happen to meet someone who can do that in real-life, ask to see her credentials. She’s a professional.
  6. Besides that…the rampant ass-fucking, the military positions, the wedding-cake cum on the face, the professional spanking, the Brazilian-waxed cocks, the glass dildos…all of that agrees with me. And these enjoyments aren’t too far removed from real-life either. Sometimes it’s nice to know that porn can have its bright spots of integrity.

Friday, April 07, 2006

This little girl is good! Check her rendition of Alicia Keys's "If I Ain't Got You"

(press "stop" on the top of your browser to turn the blog's music off)


Miss Van








Audrey Kawasaki

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Gawd, what a day!

Saturday, April 01, 2006



I feel happy over small things - like a blossoming flower or a lovely tune or a call from a loved one.But I doubt a million dollar lottery or a great pair Christian Louboutin shoes or an unexpected vintage Chanel couture dress - would make me really happy. And yet, if I got any of that, I would indulge in more external exhibitions of happiness than I would if I had woken up to a beautiful sunrise. We sometimes forget that the simple pleasures of life hold the key to our happiness much more than these huge non-events that we keep hoping for.

Find joy in the beauty of a job well done, rather than in the recognition of it.




isn't this beautiful?